but isn't it terrible
when you caught in time 
but time moves on ?

memories is killing me, I want to forget it all but it just stuck in my head. cannot be erased. what should I do? running away? be the busy one? all I want is to kill the memories. I totally hate when suddenly the memories appear in my mind? can you just cross my mind? dont stop and stuck in like forever. because I hate remembering something beautiful and can get it like before. I hate that the memories cannot happen again in my life, for now or for future. 

"oh why do I reach for the stars when I dont have wings to carry me that far?

I gotta have roots before branches, to know who I am before I know who I want to be

and faith to take chances, to live like I see a place in this world for me"

_________________________________________________

Room for Two - Roots Before Branches

        Covered by Rachel Berry, Finn Hudson from GLEE

LIE

I am a good liar. best liar ever. pretend every feeling, make fake story just wishes that it'll be happen to me. sometimes I just want to live honestly. no lies. no fake. everything is honest. but I am afraid that the honest is worse than lie. fake story is better than reality. that's why I cant stop lying. 

“I'm telling you a lie in a vicious effort that you will repeat my lie over and over until it becomes true” 

― Lady Gaga

QUESTION OF LIFE

when my deskmate and I had bored in the class, sometimes we decided to play this game. we called it the "QOL". firstly it was just a game, makes laugh, then eventually it changes to be a  you can called this a sharing the problem. and I started this QOL

your parents wants you to be an engineer but you want to be a journalist. what will you choose?

well, I'll prove them that I'm a journalist not an engineer by being the successful one

how can?

If I already made my choice I'll try to finish it and there's nothing I regret

but you have your life goal. it's to make your parents happy. you call it "I life for my parents happiness" so how can you make them happy if you will not do what they want? can they be happy?

I'm sure that if I be a successful one, my parents'll be happy so much like I do, I believe that every parents want their kid happy

what if you have no goal and all you want is to make your parents happy?

I don't know what that mean but I think everyone have their own goal. 
Imagine that you life without any goal that'd be so boring, 
you don't have desire to do anything

You have goal, to make your parents happy

but do not ever ignore your need or your want

is that your life problem? because that wan seems like it. if your parents whose so bossy and always tell you what to do although they know you don't want it you should have to be so open up to them, tell them what you want with perfect reason.

If I cant?

Well, I can see that you don't really love your life. we just life once don't throw it

I just live once, why don't I give it all to my parents? at least that I only can do 

It's up to you, but if you ask me I'll say that I really love my life so I'll explore everything that I want beside I give my parents their happiness

~The End~

"Because if you say that getting the money is the most important thing

you will spend your life completely wasting your time

you'll be doing things you don't like doing in order to go on living

that is, to go on doing things you don't like doing...

which is stupid" —Alan Watts

17th

this is late, ulang tahunku 12/07 hehehe have no time :)) 

THANK YOU GAYS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT, especially this is for my 17th birthday. big thanks gays !

this is from my class mate XI IPA 3, aku gak tau siapa yang ngerencanain bikin ini, siapa yang urunan buat ini. but thanks, no cake no problemo :))  tapi posternya gede bangeeeeeet. dan itu aku kayak iklan psta gigi. oh man! tapi gakpapa gakpapa, I know you're trying the best gays! makasih ada gambar wandinya, makasih ada bendera englandnya, makasih lah semuanya. oya makasih juga udah dipajang di mading and make me feel like the most famous one. hahaha

and this one from my koncoku seng unyu unyu, dhelna tukang antar jemput, anjos soulmate sakgalauan, sondik konco jeneng kembar, umak ayu tapi ewh, dindin arek pinter rajin nggae laporan, melisa arek cilik gak isok gedhe, nadmut the unique one only one, icha model ayu pollllll, oiyo ambek caul konco termedhok :))

actually, ada lagi rekk hadiah dari mereka itu, tapi nek difoto terus ta' taruh di sini, aku rekk seng isin. akuuuuu!. tapi suwun ya buat buku wandinya, dapet poster sisan. makasih ya gayysssss. you know me so well :))

DAN IKI from rejo, yang wes bikin dengan keringat bercucuran :)) aku ngerti maksud cerita bergambarmu di atas, jo. I know :)

I love you without knowing how or when or from where, I love you straight forwardly without complexities or pride --pablo neruda "Sonnet XVII"

Dapatkah kita bicara?

Dapatkah kita bicara sebentar,
Sambil menunggu hujan selesai
Agar reda tetesnya bersama reda marah 
Hanyut pergi menambah subur kedekatan

Bolehkah kita bicara sebentar,
Sambil menunggu makanan datang
Agar lenyap semua prasangka
Dan kita bisa menikmati lezatnya makanan

Bisakah kita bicara sebentar,
Sambil mengenang kebaikan2
Agar luruh kejelekan2
Berganti saling pengertian

Bisakah kita bicara sebentar,
Semarah apapun hati
Sedongkol apapun perasaan
Bahkan jikalau pun terlanjur benci

Bisakah kita bicara sebentar,
Karena semoga, setelah itu
Setelah pertengkaran, kemarahan
Suami istri semakin memahami,
Persahabatan semakin erat,
Hubungan anak dan orang tua semakin akrab
Kongsi atau kolega kerja semakin mantap
Kerjasama tim semakin padu
Dan berbagai bentuk hubungan baik lainnya semakin indah

Bisakah kita bicara sebentar.

---Tere Liye

YOU

with no words with no reason just smile

you changed me to be someone who I even dont know

to be someone who always smile with no reason

to be someone who always getting red when remember the way you smile

to be someone who always doesnt have focus with everything

to be someone else

but it's fine, it's okay

because the reason I change is you

"LIFE IS HARD DONT MAKE IT HARDER"

I dont know where do they come from? I dont know where do I find them? But every time I think I have I big problem and my mind says them, I  get better and happier. perhaps if you do the same you'll get what I get. 

dia sudah melupakannya, melupakan rasanya jatuh cinta kepadanya, melupakan rasanya bahagia saat melihat namanya. Namun, entah, dia merasa setiap mendengar namanya, mengetahui apapun tentangnya, mengingatnya, ada sedikit rasa bahagia.  tersenyum. samar. menyesal menghapus percakapan lama mereka, mengenang masa indah mereka. 

Tapi, dia sudah melupakannya.

bels....

quote dari mamanya dianita 

" kalo dulu kamu udah milih libels ya udah jalanin aja. itu udah pilihanmu, gak usah ngeluh"

ini bener reeek ini bener, beneeer bangeeet. nyesel deh udah ngeluh. nyesel.

libels itu udah pilihan rek, sudah dari hati kalian. kalau pun ada yang terpaksa masuk libels ya disyukuri rek alhamdulillah sekolah gratis. gitu. 

libels itu ingin kita, para murid yang sekolah di libels itu bisa sukses sehingga libels membuat kita bingung membedakan kapan kita drill, try out, dan uts sehingga harapannya nanti kita tidak bisa merasakan betapa sulitnya soal unas atau snmptn sehingga diharapkan kita dengan mudah menjalani itu semua.

aku yo bingung sama kata-kataku rek

intinya ya, tetep SEMANGATTTTT seperti yang disms libels setiap hari. anggap sms libels setiap hari itu merupakan bentuk upaya libels dalam memotivasi murid-murid kebanggaannya.

SEMANGATTTTT tek tek tek .....

STAND STRONG

When things seem difficult miserable
Life is turning away from you
Intimidated and worn out you remain
In darkness at a corner you examine
Watching the sky as it disappears
Reminding the lost beloved ones
How beautiful and caring they were
Vanishing without saying goodbye
Shortening your long life span
And leaving you destitute and lonely
Deeply you wonder
How life can really be unfair 
To honest and good people like you
But all you let go off
And focus to mend your life
And strengthen your heart
With good and caring friends on your side
Opening the picture of brightness
Knowing GOD holds your hand
Leading you to your success
Stars embracing the whole sky
And you know your journey has started
In pursuit of your purpose
Slowly matching from dusk to dawn
With smiles and determination
In whispers you read your heart
ALWAYS STAND STRONG

~ Sammy Kisinga Mwangangi

Maya Angelou, “Still I Rise”

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

source : Sharing Poetry